orson scott card's graduation speech was really good. he focused on saying something of importance about life--try to be good at what you do, and really interested in what you're doing (in this case, science, asking questions about reality), more than your own ego and getting ahead of other people--the question, he said, to always ask yourself about explanations you receive from other people, is 'is there another way to explain this?' and, what's always good to hear again, there's much more to living than what you produce. treat people well, care about each other. i felt more awake and present today--the last couple of days i've been wanting to withdraw, avert my eyes, be elsewhere.
my dad's roommate john from graduate school came, with his wife and 8th grade son. his son and i played volleyball with a big red plastic ball that caught the wind in extremely unpredictable ways. not very practical running around in my black & white hawaiian dress. played four square with ali, carissa, and brian for a few minutes, but ali quickly decided the game was boring. jenna was there, 10 months old. quiet and looking around. she smiled at me a few times and grabbed my nose. hayden too, he'll be two in august. running, taking way too many steps without going very far, letting the sand run through his fingers and clapping for us. granpa keith was very grateful to me for saving us seats in the morning. for one moment i really looked into his eyes, when he thanked me for the second or third time. they're very soft and gentle, and he seemed like he was going to cry and said something like 'what a nice smile.' i wonder what he sees and how he feels...i think he's much more uncovered and responsive in the moment than the rest of us. mom was feeling very emotionally open too, a w/hole in her heart, i think is how she put it. she said that happens for a few days when she sees us again and then we leave. what was i just reading, oh the grotowski, about each of us being a big book "where the presence of other human beings is registered, thanks to which every essential experience becomes tangible." children would be one of those essential experiences, the open place in your heart i can only imagine at this point, and realize on some level how i'm safe within those hearts, unseen and unconscious, part of the air i breathe. wow family is hard.
posted by Liza 19.5.03