drinking mocha with whip cream swirled over the top out of one of those stainless steel whipcream guns. topped with a chocolate covered espresso bean. it sunk to the bottom as i was drinking off the whip cream, and got all melty and was the finishing drop of my drink.
it's strange to be in an audition atmosphere--so many people together, but each one alone, trying to distinguish themselves and drawing on the only security available in the moment, their past training, their personality or exagerration of their personality. i have an uneasy feeling in the pit of the stomach, i think from being uncertain how it is i want to approach these six weeks. i'm not sure what aspects of all the experiences available here are most important to me--do i want to spend some time making my own new choreography, and showing it? what and how much technique do i want to do? do i want to do an improv class, or will the jams be plenty? do i want to take a composition class? what is the right balance of meeting people and making friends here and giving myself time to be within my own process and contemplation? these questions will get partially figured out in the next few days, and my body should start to feel less fatigued--it was hard to sleep last night, i had so much movement information traveling inside me. today being tired has definitely affected my attitude--that is my feeling in my body, a part of me withdrawing and saying no, that's not me, rather than coming forward and saying yes. it is more difficult to be fully present to the movements and words the teacher has to offer--i feel like i need to move internally and more slowly, like i'm not fully awake. then i feel frustrated and critical of the teacher and myself.
there were definitely moments today though when i felt very alive--in yoga preview, we sat cross-legged, bringing the chest and upperbody forward when we breathed in through our noses, then concaving through the back when we breathed out, also through our noses. we did this movement for three minutes at our own paces, and towards the end my whole body was tingling and shivery, especially all inside my stomach and organs. during this french choreographer's audition (i need to find out his full name--his first is Dominique) we composed our own phrase, a bit of movement for each of the words "forever, enough, tonight, disconnected, acrobatic sequence" then phrased them together and sped them up. i really enjoyed that.
posted by Liza 7.6.03