oh my, i feel exhausted, but made myself get up because i wanted to dance. oczywiscie, i forgot i'd lost my adf card, and the door guy at the gym said to my 'i lost my card,' 'go get it,' as if twas possible. expressionless, not even leaving open the possibility of reasoning/cajoling with him. strange when looking at another person and it feels like looking at a wall, not being recognized at all even though i've been goin into the gym for the past five weeks. i guess that experience and feeling multiplied a bunch of times is part of why people go crazy. i had lots of half conscious dreams last night, or more like half conscious plannings. mostly i was going over in my head how i'd like to work with some groups on this theater piece next year, which in a way i know is wasted energy right now, but some ideas have grabbed and i keep mulling them over, reconsidering, reapplying. but still it's probably not too healthy at 5 am to be imagining how it is that we can experience and communicate, in a way that comes through and overwhelms the visual/the immediate appearance of solid matter, or in a way that exudes around all the edges of the visual, the continual changes of energies, feelings, emotions, ideas, that somehow manifest in the appearances of people (and other life, and the earth and universe). afterall, one of those necessary changes of energies is unconsciousness, deep sleep time absent of all images. i've suddenly become aware, or this awareness has been creeping up on me and i suddenly am thinking of how to apply it, of how important it is to the work i want to do (and in general i would say, if people want some day to be free and peaceful) to be able to imagine the body, my body, your body, in detail and in lots of different ways, to explore images and see what changes occur with these distinct images--i mean the placement and composition of organs, muscles, bones, blood and air flow, brain which i guess is technically included with organs, skin, down to the shape and energy of cells and atoms, all of which i certainly can't do at this moment. i'm sure more about this will be coming out in bits and pieces in the near future.
posted by Liza 14.7.03