pat myself on the back and brag for one sweaty glowing moment--i just performed ol beethoven solo 'she throws the silver because it does not break' for the wed. afternoon choreography showing and people loved it! donna fay burchfield, the dean of adf, said 'you're a choreographer girl.' lots of people with enthusiastic supportive eyes. as far as the professionals, abby yager said the moment before i begin, where i added a slight in of the arms and re-stretch before the music begins, looked like lightning or synapses. and later she had a similar experience of suddenly being awakened from seeing an outer shape to being aware of some internal action. she also suggested just thinking some more about the music in the next week and a half as i refine this performance go around. she also thought it might be interesting if there was some moment where i actually did give in/collapse under the weight of the music. david dorfman said it kept him continually surprised, didn't know where i would go next. also, that he felt like he was watching a person change and develop as the dance went on. neta pulvermacher said she suddenly saw my face, a person with very much going on inside; layered more technical vocabulary and idiosyncratic gesture she thought was particularly effective for the expressiveness of the piece. ken ray said one moment when i was in the back corner in a kind of personal sensual moment, coming out of that he saw barely a smile and it reminded him of the mona lisa and some recent book title with some reference to a hidden smile. i think in general people had some feeling of getting to know 'me,' or this strong, struggling woman very intimately. some people saw a fairytale story, connected to the mirror in the beginning (by the by, i cut out the opening walk, and began standing looking into the mirror on audience's left--and i didn't add the speaking that i talked about earlier).
of course lots to work on. i hadn't really done it full out before i just performed it. just marking it, in the living room, or in the gym without music. felt that familar exhaustion, remembering the old feelings when i was really in the midst of the dance, the fleeting twinge towards the very end of 'oh my goodness, need to call up a brilliant burst,' like the end of crosscountry races. this time i performed in contemporary clothes, with my hair down, but the white button front shirt i wore is vaguely reminiscent of a corset. and i liked the big flowers on my skirt connecting to that repeated hand shape, which i think of as vaguely flower like. i think people liked the reference across time periods. it feels good for this solo to be something separate from me now--knowing it as a dance with some completion, that i can bring back to life when i choose. had a feeling of 'here goes nothing' in the beginning because i literally hadn't run through the whole thing full out with music and all. some moments while performing i was dancing, experiencing that burst or seeping or outpouring of energy and presence that comes any time you're really dancing, and at the same time, i was rediscovering this intriguing structure and sharing that structure. it feels really good to have revealed myself in a way--i think these people may remember me and be supportive in the future. that's something of a relief. the bigger relief though is just to contribute something of my own to this festival and to feel more wholly tied in to the web of teaching, learning, performing, watching, and communicating that goes on here. the world just opened up a little bit. that reminds me of peter brook's chapter heading--the world is a can opener. okay. hope no one feels like popping my head(-: let's go see if my car starts...
posted by Liza 2.7.03